Original caricature by Jeff York of Margaret Qualley in HONEY DON’T! (copyright 2025)
Margaret Qualley continues to illustrate that she is one of today’s most exciting actresses with another performance that shows range, nuance, and wit. If you thought she was compelling in MAID, THE SUBSTANCE, or ONCE UPON IN TIME IN HOLLYWOOD, wait till you see her play a coolly intrepid private eye in director Ethan Coen’s darkly comic noir HONEY, DON’T! I’m always leery of film titles that use an exclamation point, and this one is flawed in many ways, but it’s never less than fascinating as it applies a queer sensibility to the tropes of the genre and showcases a droll Qualley in a big star turn.
Qualley plays Honey O’Donahue and she’s almost more of a do-gooder than a crime solver. The narrative here finds her investigating the suspicious car crash of a woman who had called her fearing her life was in danger, but most of what we see of Honey suggests that she might be playing out more of a savior complex. She gets her own coffee at the office, counsels her curious nieces about menstruation, and is kind to all those she encounters at the police station. She certainly is a lifeline, both financially and emotionally, to her beleaguered sister Heidi (Kristen Connolly), a desperate divorcee barely keeping her head above water with money problems, four surly kids, and a baby due any day. Chief amongst Heidi’s headaches is Corrine (Talia Ryder), a goth girl who defies authority at every turn and will soon become the number one concern of her Aunt Honey.
How so? Well, this being a film noir, Corrine will disappear, and her story will then dovetail into the crash victim case. It’s a little too convenient as screenwriting goes, but this way, Coen and co-screenwriter Tricia Cooke can keep it all within Honey’s wheelhouse and conclude their deft film in a crisp, unfettered 88 minutes. Along the way, Honey keeps our interest with her snark and dogged determination to solve both cases, even if a wide range of distracting oddballs get in her way. Amongst the rogue’s gallery of supporting players are a brazen police officer (Charlie Day) who keeps propositioning the lesbian Honey, Honey’s cynical assistant (Gabby Beans), a mysterious homeless man (Kale Browne), a grumpy bartender (Don Swayze), a sensual piano player (Lena Hall), and Corrine’s abusive boyfriend (Alexander Carstoiu). Honey’s banter with each of them is aggressive and clever, suggesting that Honey is not only the smartest person in the room, but she knows just how to get what she’s after while barely breaking a sweat.
In many ways, the character of Qualley’s P.I. could have been written for a man in a Mickey Spillane or Elmore Leonard novel as Honey glides with plenty of swagger, drinks and smokes heavily, and sleeps around with absolutely zero guilt. But her character leans more towards a Leonard-style heroine as her quick quips cover everything from politics to the dumpy town to sex toys she washes up like dirty dishes after sex with new lover MG Falcone (Aubrey Plaza). MG is a cop, and the movie doesn’t hold back on showcasing Honey’s aggressive trysts with her. It’s bold storytelling by and large, even more brazen when the film chronicles the sex life of the corrupt con of a local preacher played by Chris Evans in full snarky snake mode.
The mystery never quite becomes enthralling, and some of Honey’s success at solving the cases comes down to sheer luck. Some of Coen and Cooke’s convenient plot twists are eye-rollers too. Really? Honey pulls one book off a shelf, and it provides the vital clue to solve things? Still, it seems that Coen & company are less interested in telling a great whodunnit and more interested in tweaking the proceedings with their female take on things. Honey is practically Bogart in lipstick and heels.
The script leaves many questions about Honey left out of the story including how she makes a living in such a sleepy, barren ‘burg or why she’s such a clothes horse. An early scene with Billy Eichner as a vengeful client suggests that Honey makes money by spying on those committing infidelity, a nice nod to Jake Gittes from CHINATOWN. (You’ll remember how sartorial he was throughout that classic 1974 film noir as well.) And if this film does well enough to garner a sequel, I do hope they find Honey more of a substantive crime to solve. Qualley does all she can to make her sexy, sharp and tough, but the stakes need to be elevated to keep us on the edge of our seats while Honey struts her stuff.
Where HONEY DON’T! succeeds most is as a character study that is unabashedly feminist, pro-LGBTQ, and satirical in all the piss it takes out of procedurals. The movie might leave those who want a more twisty whodunnit unsatisfied, but as a unique, adult offering at the cineplex, it provides several choice rewards.
